Archive for The Purpose

Due Date

{ February 29, 2012 @ 7:48 pm } · { The Purpose }
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Today, February 29th, we are afforded an extra day that only comes around once every four years!  Just so happens that the last time February 29th occurred, it was my due date.

As a first time pregnant woman, the due date was extremely important to me.  Even though it is a “guess” having a date to hang onto during those last few weeks of pregnancy was crucial to getting through the swollen ankles, sleepless nights, and balloon like feeling my body was experiencing.

However, as most of you know from reading my story, my daughter was not born on her due date, not a week after, not even 8,9,10, or 11 days after.

At 10 days post-dates, I was induced.  At 12 days post-dates, I had her. 

So, my advice to all pregnant ladies…..don’t count on the due date being the day you birth your little one. 🙂

And, my advice to all who know pregnant ladies who are going past their due date….don’t keep asking her when she is going to have the baby…by asking this you are NOT adding pressure to her cervix, but you are adding stress to her overloaded mind.

Thanks for reading,

Lauren

My “Birth Position”

{ February 22, 2012 @ 10:45 pm } · { My Birth Position, The Purpose }
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So, contrary to the name of this post, I’m not here to talk about the various positions in which you actually can GIVE birth, but I would like to talk about my position ON birth.

Even though MY personal experiences cause me to champion for an elective c-section birth in a hospital with lots of numbing drugs, I fully support others positions to have a non-medicated, home, vaginal birth-or something anywhere in between.

My birth position is that women should have the choice, prenatally, and during birth, to have their babies the way that they want to have their babies while preserving the mother’s health and the child’s health through a balance of the mother’s informed wishes and competent medical professional opinion.

My birth position is that women should have ALL of the information-risks/benefits on all aspects of birth prior to the actual birth of their child.  This information should be given freely and without judgement.  A mother’s birth plan should not be judged by the competent medical professional they are working with.

My birth position is that wherever the mother decides to give birth to her child, she is surrounded by competent professionals that both can support her position AND give her the medical information necessary if emergencies arise.

I recognize that birth trauma can arise from hospital births, home births, non-medicated births, medicated births,medically assisted births, and anything else that causes the mother to feel helpless and full of fear. (remember, it’s in the eye of the beholder.)  It is not up to me to tell another which birth would be less traumatizing, it’s only up to me to share MY story and help other mothers with birth trauma explore the options right for them.

So, there’s my position ON birth.

Thanks for reading,

Lauren

Come ON Dora!

{ February 21, 2012 @ 2:54 pm } · { My Birth Position, The Purpose }
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Yesterday, I sat down and watched an episode of “Dora the Explorer” with my daughter in which Dora was going to become “a big sister!”  (No significance for my own personal life right now, just happened to be the next episode in the netflix queue.)

Anyways, the story starts out by Dora’s papa rushing to tell Dora to “come home right away, because Mama is going to have the baby.”  Home?  Come ON Dora, home?  How come Dora isn’t going to visit Mama at the hospital?  How come Mama has to have a homebirth?

Dora, of course, needs to follow her map to find her home.  She needs to go through the Spooky forest and the Nut farm.  (At least spooky and nutty somewhat describe my views of this episode)

When Dora arrives home, she finds ALL of her extended family there.  She then goes into her parents bedroom to find her perfectly poised mother sitting up in bed.  Come ON Dora, perfectly poised?  How come Mama doesn’t look like she has just gone through the wringer?

When Dora looks at the bassinet, she finds, not one baby, but twins!  Come ON Dora, twins?  A homebirth AND a perfectly poised mother seconds after a twin birth?

Come ON Dora.  Let’s get real here.  In no way am I saying that I want a children’s show to be graphically displaying the perils of childbirth, however, it would be nice if this show could somewhat emulate what becoming a big sister will be like for my daughter.  (when the time comes)

Thanks for reading,

Lauren

Vagina Monologues

{ February 16, 2012 @ 1:53 am } · { The Purpose, The Trauma(s), The Treatments }
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“My Vagina, My Vagina, Me.”

This was the refrain that the audience engaged in throughout the show “The Vagina Monologues.”  An excellent, thought provoking, and barrier crashing endeavor, “The Vagina Monologues” strives to tear down the shame, stigma, and embarrassment surrounding violence against women. (and their vaginas)

It was probably about 8 years ago now since I sat in on this performance, but I can still remember the awkwardness of the word “vagina” coming out of my mouth.  Even more awkward, was listening to my boyfriend (now husband) saying over and over “my vagina, my vagina, me” throughout the show.

I’ve come a long way.  I can not only say vagina, I can talk about vaginas, blog about vaginas, and fight for vaginas!

MY VAGINA, MY VAGINA, ME!

Thanks for Reading,

Lauren

 

“Even More Amazing”

{ February 1, 2012 @ 2:29 pm } · { My Birth Position, The Purpose }
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Becoming passionate about something allows one’s focus to be all-encompassing.  As I was looking at my yahoo page this morning, a story about a “14 pound baby born” scrolled across my news feed.  My first thought was, “ouch.”  My second thought was “the only reason this is news is if this baby was born vaginally.”  So, I decided to watch the video segment promoting the headline “14 pound baby born”

This segment was part of Good Morning America’s morning show and had the male reporter all excited about the “turkey” sized child that had been birthed “naturally.”  Watching the video, one can only cringe at the reporter’s claim of “even more amazingly, Kendall (the mother) did it all naturally, no c-section, no epidural.”  This statement, by the reporter, allows for the thought that a 14 pound baby birthed by c-section or with the help of pain medication would be anything less than amazing.  To me, that’s just not right.  A 14 pound baby in its own right is amazingly big, enough said, no matter how he makes his entrance. 

The saving grace of this video segment is actually the mother.  She talks about women being able to research the way they want to give birth, and she DOES NOT dispel the notion that c-section is right for some.  She believes that all should have the choice.  Go MOM!

So, Kudos to Kendall for pushing out that beautiful baby boy, however, kudos to all mothers who are educated about their choices for childbirth and pre and post natal care!

To see the video segment in its entirety, view here : http://gma.yahoo.com/video/parenting-26594265/woman-delivers-nearly-14-pound-baby-28105614.html

Thanks for Reading,

Lauren

The Business of Being Born

{ January 30, 2012 @ 10:51 pm } · { My Birth Position, The PTSD, The Purpose, The Trauma(s) }
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So, for a long while, people have been urging me to, and asking me if, I have watched the movie “The Business of Being Born.”  You know, the one with Ricki Lake, where she goes on her crusade for a “natural” birth.  Truth be told, this movie has been sitting in my Netflix queue for a LONG time.  I think I have always wanted to see it, however, the triggers that it may have held prevented me from pressing play, until now.

Last night, I watched it.  It was terrifyingly one-sided.  Much as I expected it to be.

As an aside, it is important to note, that my personal crusade is not for c-sections, it’s not for non-instrumental birth, it IS for women’s choice, consent, education, and the ability to have all options recognized and respected in the birth realm. 

“The Business of Being Born” paints a picture of women who choose the route of c-sections as being weak.  At one point a statistic was recited about c-sections in new york and the woman interviewed’s response summarily said, “that’s so high, I thought New York women were stronger than that.”  Ahem, stronger than what?  Making an educated decision for yourself IS strong.  Deciding what you want to do with your body IS strong.  This IS feminism people, women’s choice!  I am not degrading or demoralizing natural birth.  Because that is YOUR choice.  Get it, it’s choice that should be the issue.

Another huge scare tactic they put in the movie is the fact that women will not be able to achieve the natural oxytocin high that comes with pushing a baby out of your vagina without drugs.  This in turn will cause the ability to bond with the child to be difficult if not, non-existent. (Their words, not mine.)

Well, I have to tell you.  Had I given birth to my baby without drugs or intervention in an effort to achieve this natural high they are raving about, I would most likely be dead.  And, probably the baby too.  How natural is that?

We need to stop being so one-sided on issues giving women the choice.  I wish this movie presented the facts about natural birth and the natural act of cesarean birth in a more positive choice promoting manner.  Throughout the movie, the producers are touting the fear based agenda that the medical community and the community of women buy into about not wanting a natural birth.  However, this movie could serve to instill a fear base in viewers regarding cesarean section.  Is that any better?  Creating a flip-side fear community?  I would love to see a movie that presents all aspects of birth impartially, because there are many women who need to know the facts, not just someone’s agenda. 

Thanks for Reading,

Lauren

I’m OK too

{ January 27, 2012 @ 11:50 pm } · { Interstim, The PTSD, The Purpose, The Trauma(s) }
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Recently, I commented on a blog that also explores the very real diagnosis of PTSD after childbirth as well as the issue of birth trauma.  The post that I commented on, “Thank God the Baby is ok!” can be read in its entirety here. http://www.tobreatheagainbook.com/2011/12/thank-god-baby-is-ok.html#comment-form

I tend to agree with this posting.  So many times while relating my story to others, (family, friends, and medical professionals), I hear the phrase “At least the Baby’s OK.”  Whether it is in those exact words or some other phrasing with the same meaning, I inwardly cringe.  I know this is a well-meaning statement.  I know the people saying it to me are trying to show they care.  I know that there is a thrust in our society to look for the best of the situation.  However, I have to agree with Kerissa from “To Breathe Again” (see link above) when she states “Baby’s matter. A lot. But mom’s matter, too.”

Knowing my baby was ok and is ok does matter.  In fact, as a mom ,it was really important to me that she was ok.  In fact, I hoped that she was more than ok.  I hoped that she was healthy, beautiful, smart, joyous, etc.  All those hopes that mom’s have for their kids.

To best explain why the statement “At least the Baby’s OK” rubs me the wrong way, it is important for you to understand my perspective of that day.  The day of my daughter’s birth. The day of my trauma. It was the most wonderful day and the most horrifying day simultaneously.  I separate those two events, even though they happened at the same time.  If I am relaying to you my story, I am telling you my trial, my horror, my hell.  I am not connecting that trauma to the wonderful person that entered this world and blesses our lives daily.

I appreciate all of the support for my journey.  Yes, my daughter is ok, she’s more than ok.  And guess what?  Through hard work, therapy, some totally awesome medical interventions,  and lots of tears, I’m ok too.

Thanks for reading,

Lauren

Too Personal

{ January 26, 2012 @ 10:10 pm } · { The Incontinence Issue, The PTSD, The Purpose, The Trauma(s) }
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I’ve been told by some people that they won’t read my blog because it is “too personal.”  Yes, vaginas, sexuality, rectal scarring, anal winks, pooping, mental illness, yes, it’s personal.  But sometimes, it is easy to confuse “too personal” with shameful, dirty, and stigmatized.

I write my blog to free myself of the stigma that surrounds my circumstances.  It’s not easy to be suffering with issues that no wants to talk about, read about, hear about, listen to, etc.  To date, there are many medical issues that have reached the acclaim in our society that make them easy to talk about, empathize with, and join together for a common cause.  However, I am sure that there were people that needed to champion those causes and efforts prior to them becoming easy to talk about over a cup of tea.

I believe that I am one of a growing number of women who are no longer going to be silent.  Medical interventions, successful therapies, and political awareness only come about when there is a movement to have our voices heard.  Birth Trauma and the physical and mental devastation it can leave in its wake is an issue that I am not ready to concede is “too personal.” 

Thanks for reading,

Lauren

How Many?

{ January 24, 2012 @ 2:42 pm } · { The Incontinence Issue, The PTSD, The Purpose, The Trauma(s) }
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So, I have been wondering….how many of us are there?  How many women suffer from fecal incontinence as a result of childbirth?  How many woman suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder as a result of childbirth?

In reading one of my favorite blogs, cesarean debate, I was motivated to comment upon one of Pauline’s entries.  Pauline’s tireless campaign for women’s choice to have an informed decision about a cesarean birth is well thought out and conveyed through her blog.  Her most recent entry, entitled “Why do I keep writing this blog? Because of e-mails like this…” really moved me to comment.  See blog entry and my comment here :  http://cesareandebate.blogspot.com/2012/01/why-do-i-keep-writing-this-blog-because.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+CesareanDebate+%28cesarean+debate%29

I would encourage my readers to talk about my blog in an effort to direct women, their partners, and the medical community towards my story.  It takes courage to talk about something that is not the norm in our society.  Courage is always fostered by having support.  The support of others with similar stories, the support of the medical community, and the support of those advocating for a change for women and their choices regarding birth.

Thanks for Reading,

Lauren

 

Empathy

{ January 19, 2012 @ 3:17 pm } · { The Incontinence Issue, The Purpose, The Trauma(s) }
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Throughout my ordeal, the one thing I have longed to hear from the medical professional whose actions and inaction caused my plight  is “I’m sorry, I understand.” Because of legalities, bedside manner in this regard has essentially gone out the window.  As OBGYN’s are flooded with lawsuits and threats of legal action, true empathy is rare to find vocalized in the medical community.

I am not saying that everything was my OBGYN’s fault, however, I am saying that her empathy could have been a powerful beginning to my healing journey.  For my OBGYN to relay the understanding of the loss that a 27-year-old must feel when she no longer has rectal function and control would have gone a long way with me.  Instead, I received a firm statement of “this is normal” from my OBGYN when I conveyed my inability to control my bowels.

In advocating for others, I hope to be that voice that “victims” can hear when the medical community remains silent.  So, here it is from my mouth to your ears “I am sorry for your situation.  I totally understand.  I will do everything I can to help you on your healing journey.”

Thanks for Reading,

Lauren

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