EMDR

{ January 25, 2012 @ 2:01 pm } · { The PTSD, The Treatments }
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EMDR are four letters that, for me, never were linked in a meaningful way prior to my trauma. EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) is the therapy that helped me climb out my PTSD.  At the risk of botching up the “official” explanation, check it  out here: http://www.emdr.com/general-information/what-is-emdr.html  

EMDR, to me, was a true lifesaver. It is a well suited therapy for trauma in the way that it does not employ just “talking” about the problem.  “Talking” about the problem is a trigger.  Talking along with moving my eyes in well defined, therapist directed way, allows for desentization and reprocessing of the trauma, as well as the triggers that are ever present in PTSD.

Recently, I was discharged from EMDR therapy.  I had exhausted all my triggers, and worked through the trauma.  Does this mean my memory of the trauma is gone?  Not at all.  It means my memory of the trauma no longer creates a panic type response.  Successful completion of EMDR means I can talk about the trauma without falling to pieces.  Successful completion of EMDR means I can spread the word about a therapy that works wonders for those suffering with PTSD.

Thanks for Reading,

Lauren

How Many?

{ January 24, 2012 @ 2:42 pm } · { The Incontinence Issue, The PTSD, The Purpose, The Trauma(s) }
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So, I have been wondering….how many of us are there?  How many women suffer from fecal incontinence as a result of childbirth?  How many woman suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder as a result of childbirth?

In reading one of my favorite blogs, cesarean debate, I was motivated to comment upon one of Pauline’s entries.  Pauline’s tireless campaign for women’s choice to have an informed decision about a cesarean birth is well thought out and conveyed through her blog.  Her most recent entry, entitled “Why do I keep writing this blog? Because of e-mails like this…” really moved me to comment.  See blog entry and my comment here :  http://cesareandebate.blogspot.com/2012/01/why-do-i-keep-writing-this-blog-because.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+CesareanDebate+%28cesarean+debate%29

I would encourage my readers to talk about my blog in an effort to direct women, their partners, and the medical community towards my story.  It takes courage to talk about something that is not the norm in our society.  Courage is always fostered by having support.  The support of others with similar stories, the support of the medical community, and the support of those advocating for a change for women and their choices regarding birth.

Thanks for Reading,

Lauren

 

2,414 Dollars

{ January 23, 2012 @ 4:48 pm } · { The Incontinence Issue, The Trauma(s) }
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While perusing the internet today, I found an interesting chart that outlines the cost difference between a cesarean section and vaginal birth.  Furthermore, it outlines the differences in cost between a “vaginal birth with complications” and cesarean birth, which is the exact number I have been looking for while trying to understand a possible justification as to why I was privy to a forceps assisted birth versus a cesarean.  The chart that I am referring to can be found here: http://transform.childbirthconnection.org/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/New-York.pdf

In New York, in 2008, the cost of a vaginal birth with complications was estimated to be $10,393.  The cost of a c-section$12,807.  This being the year and state location in which I delivered my child, I find the difference in cost to be $2,414.  Was this the magic number that pushed medical professionals to opt. for something cheaper and quicker?

Do I believe that I was not given a C-section due to cost?  Well, here are the facts. According to everything I have read, a c-section should have been a strong consideration for me.  I had a 12 day post date child, who was estimated to be 9 pounds 9 ounces, had a “sunny-side” up position, had a prolonged pushing stage of labor (over 3 hours) and had been in labor for 36 hours.  I was not given that consideration.  I was told that forceps would be a good choice for me.    Based on the situation, I would have to believe that cost could have been a consideration for the medical professionals treating me.

There are also charts outlining the cost differential in other states and they can be found here: http://transform.childbirthconnection.org/resources/datacenter/chargeschart/statecharges/

It’s interesting and informative information-check it out!

Thanks for Reading,

Lauren

Just Keep Swimming

{ January 22, 2012 @ 11:39 pm } · { Interstim, The Incontinence Issue, The Treatments }
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One thing that I have found essential to my healing journey is exercise.  Exercise releases feel good endorphins, keeps my weight down, and allows me a great way to beat stress without medication.

Prior to my trauma, I thoroughly enjoyed swimming as exercise.  As a college level competitive swimmer, I was used to tough workouts and long hours in the pool.  As you can imagine, fecal incontinence and swimming laps in a pool DO NOT MIX.  In fact, there are signs posted everywhere that any fecal matter in the pool will result in a pool closure for all patrons.  Besides the obvious fact that a leakage would affect other’s enjoyment of the pool facility for the day; there was no way that I was getting into a pool if there was a chance that I could have an accident.  Obviously this proved a huge loss, emotionally and physically, as I thought about all of the times I would miss in the pool.

Through physical therapy, but, prior to my Interstim surgery, I gained some control of my bowels that would allow me a pretty good idea about when my leakages may occur.  It was at this time that I began to swim again, albeit cautiously.  Even though I felt good about going into the pool again, my plans could change in an instant if I was having a bad day with my sphincter.

Fast forward to now.  Interstim has allowed me complete freedom in the pool.  I no longer foster feeling of uncertainty and grief when stepping into the chlorinated goodness that was my second home prior to trauma.

It turns out that swimming is one of the best exercises I can do with my Interstim implant.  The low impact exercising has allowed me to stay in shape, engage in great workouts, and have fun again.  I could not have imagined this 6 months ago.

Thanks for Reading,

Lauren

Empathy

{ January 19, 2012 @ 3:17 pm } · { The Incontinence Issue, The Purpose, The Trauma(s) }
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Throughout my ordeal, the one thing I have longed to hear from the medical professional whose actions and inaction caused my plight  is “I’m sorry, I understand.” Because of legalities, bedside manner in this regard has essentially gone out the window.  As OBGYN’s are flooded with lawsuits and threats of legal action, true empathy is rare to find vocalized in the medical community.

I am not saying that everything was my OBGYN’s fault, however, I am saying that her empathy could have been a powerful beginning to my healing journey.  For my OBGYN to relay the understanding of the loss that a 27-year-old must feel when she no longer has rectal function and control would have gone a long way with me.  Instead, I received a firm statement of “this is normal” from my OBGYN when I conveyed my inability to control my bowels.

In advocating for others, I hope to be that voice that “victims” can hear when the medical community remains silent.  So, here it is from my mouth to your ears “I am sorry for your situation.  I totally understand.  I will do everything I can to help you on your healing journey.”

Thanks for Reading,

Lauren

Rocks on the Tracks

{ January 17, 2012 @ 2:36 pm } · { The PTSD, The Trauma(s) }
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Today, as I drove my daughter to preschool, I was stopped at some railroad tracks to wait for a train.  The sound of the train as it rumbled over the tracks brought me back to a statement that my husband made to me while I was fully engaged in my PTSD diagnosis.  After a particularly restless night, fraught with nightmares, flashbacks, and cold sweats, my husband stated to me that “my teeth sound like a train running over rocks on the tracks.”

One of my symptoms of PTSD was an extreme grinding of my teeth when I “slept.”  And yes, it was loud, painful, and relentless.  Sad to say, I kind of just let myself grind without intervention until my dentist pointed out that he could tell I was grinding grooves into my teeth.  Solution-A mouth guard that I could wear at night.  Problem-the “plasticy” smell triggered a panic response in my body. Through therapy I discovered that the “plasticy” smell related to the oxygen administered to me via facemask during delivery and was able to work through this trigger.

My point-nothing with PTSD is ever simple, and usually there is not a quick answer.  Therapy has eliminated totally the need for a mouth guard at this point, as my grinding as ceased.  Just know- PTSD is a long, challenging, loud train ride that requires a skillful conductor and a lot of support to smooth the bumpy tracks.

Thanks for Reading,

Lauren

Part Machine

{ January 16, 2012 @ 2:56 am } · { Interstim }
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Since the placement of my Interstim, I have come to grow and love the fact that part of me operates on a machine that is implanted into the fleshy part of my backside.  It is so unbelievably awesome that the technology exists that allows me the ability to regain rectal function.  This surgery and the surgical device that sustains my fecal continence is truly life altering and creates a life sustained by predictability and goodness in an area that, prior to the surgery, was unpredictable and depressing.

People often say, “you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone.”  To that sentiment I add, if you have never had a problem with fecal incontinence, allow yourself to think about the excellence of your brain, nerves, and sphincter function that just sort of know what to do for you to effectively control your bowels.  And if you had, or have, fecal incontinence, allow yourself the thought that there IS hope.  There IS a surgery that you can undergo in order to regain function for fecal incontinence.  Interstim has been an amazing part of my life and I urge you to look into it if you suffer from fecal incontinence.  http://www.medtronic.com/patients/bowel-incontinence/about-therapy/index.htm

Thanks for Reading,

Lauren

Advocacy is the Key

{ January 12, 2012 @ 3:59 pm } · { The Purpose, The Treatments }
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I’ve found that advocacy, ME being an advocate, is the key to my healing.  Believe me, I am not discounting the endless hours of therapy, medical surgical advances, tears, and strife that I have gone through by wrapping it up in a neat little package of being an advocate.  It is because of those things that I can be an advocate.  It is because I recognize the pain, both physical and emotional, that I can relate to, empathize with, and educate those in similar situations. 

Being in my own little corner of the blogging world, I can begin to reach out to others in a way that I was not able to before.  I appreciate all of the connections that I am making with my statements, and urge the followers of my blog to reach out and the name of my blog to others that may be needing support.  The thing about fecal incontinence and PTSD as a result of childbirth is that it is mainly a hidden, almost taboo, subject so you never really know who needs to be reached and when!  It is my hope that my blog can erase the taboo nature of birth trauma and educate the medical community and our peers about a very real problem in our society.

Thanks for Reading,

Lauren

The Dance of Life

{ January 12, 2012 @ 2:19 am } · { The Purpose, The Trauma(s) }
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“And now I’m glad I didn’t know
The way it all would end, the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance, I could have missed the pain
But I’d of had to miss the dance”

The Dance-Garth Brooks

 I believe that everything happens for a reason.  This thought pattern has been particularly hard to reconcile whilst experiencing this hardship.  Someone once asked me, “If you could go back, change how things were done, would you?”  My answer in the beginning of this trial in my life was “absolutely, of course!”  With careful reflection, intense therapy, and lots of support, my answer now is a firm “no.”  Why?  Because I believe in a higher purpose.  This was my trial to bear; this experience has made me into a strong advocate, has strengthened my ties with my family, and has allowed me to feel grateful for all of the “goodness” in my life.  I hope that my story can influence the medical community, and more importantly, anyone who has gone through, or will go through this process.

Thanks for Reading,

Lauren


Elective Cesarean

{ January 10, 2012 @ 2:48 pm } · { Elective Cesarean, The Treatments }
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One of the links that I recently posted was to a website that supports and promotes elective cesarean procedures.  This website is a critical one for me to visit, since I will be engaging in an elective cesarean if and when I have another child.  Sometimes, people think that a cesarean procedure in general is one of major medical intervention and more medical risk as compared to a “natural” birth.  To those people, I say, try giving birth the way I did, and then compare the interventions and risks between the two. (For really great information on elective cesarean-visit the website! http://www.electivecesarean.com)

Although I am not pregnant now, I am anticipating friends and families confusion as to why I feel a cesarean birth would be better for me, especially those who do not fully understand the trauma experience I am drawing from to make my decision. Our society works to promote the strong, natural woman-a woman who can do it all, a woman who can pop out a baby, unmedicated, and be back at work in 6 weeks.  A woman who needs to only resort to procedures such as cesarean in times of birthing emergency.

The idea of an elective cesarean brings me great joy.  To actually have the ability to plan and execute a childbirth is exactly the kind of birthing plan that appeals to me and makes having a future child possible. I have been told that I cannot give birth naturally again, because of all of the physical damage.  In addition, regardless of the physical damage, I have had enough emotional upheaval to never feel the need to push a baby out between my legs again.  Elective Cesarean is the right choice for me, and one, thankfully, my OBGYN agrees with.

Thanks for Reading,

Lauren

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