Posts Tagged ‘support system’

Interstimcise

{ March 8, 2012 @ 2:53 pm } · { Exercising with Interstim, Interstim }
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So, it’s March. And, I need to lose weight.  What better idea than to join the March Meltdown at my gym!

Since the birth of my daughter, in March 2008, exercise has been tricky.  Swimming, my main form of exercise, was not happening for a while (that whole fecal incontinence issue really put a damper on getting in the pool).  Anything that involved my pelvic floor (ab work, cycling)-not happening due to extreme pain.  Additionally, anything that wiggled my dislocated hip, caused me to let go of embarrassing gas, or possibly triggered my PTSD was not an ideal exercising situation.

So, I sat, and ate, and gained weight, until I weighed more than I did at my heaviest pregnancy weight.

February 2011, I joined a gym.  After years of physical therapy, and my high fiber diet, I felt that I could have a good handle on the pool situation.  I tentatively began aquasize classes, and slowly started swimming laps.  Of course, my going to the gym was always dependent on what kind of day my sphincter and mind were having.  I began to lose weight.

July/August 2011, I had my Interstim surgery.  Because of the healing time, I was out of the gym rotation for about 6 weeks.  You guessed it, I gained again.

And here we are.  March Meltdown.  Time to get serious.  Time to explore what I like to call “Interstimcise.”  This time, I am working with a personal trainer who knows about my Interstim Implant and can suggest productive, and safe, exercise that does not jiggle the implant, or put pressure on the site of incision.  Ever since I received my Interstim implant in August, I have been tentative as to how to proceed.  I have only done the low impact, aquasize classes. I am super excited to work with this trainer in an effort to learn more, burn more calories, and get back into the world of exercising with limited restrictions.

The Interstim Implant does not prevent you from exercising, however,  it is important to  proceed with the help of your Interstim provider as well as a knowledgeable trainer, so as not to disrupt the great gift that Interstim will give you.

Thanks for Reading,

Lauren

 

Tears and Tears

{ March 1, 2012 @ 3:53 pm } · { Interstim, The Incontinence Issue, The Purpose, The Treatments }
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Tears and Tears.  Words that sound the same, but mean very different things.  Tears (torn) and Tears (crying).  For me, there is a huge correlation between these two homophones.

When you have a baby vaginally, there is a risk that you will tear.  Recently, I came across a website that shows diagrams of vaginal tears in childbirth.  This slide show is an essential viewing point for anyone who wishes to understand visually the physical trauma of a tear.  Feel free to view here: http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/vaginal-tears/PR00143

Although vaginal tears are common during vaginal birth, the severity of the tear and the “how to” of the repair differ.  In her blog, Dr. Amy-The Skeptical OB, Dr. Amy Tuteur talks about the ability to midwives to repair tears during vaginal birth. You can read her take on tearing here http://skepticalob.blogspot.com/2012/02/vaginal-tears.html.

As a recipient of a third degree tear in a hospital setting, I am curious about the ability of my doctor to repair my tear during my forceps assisted vaginal birth.  According to the mayo clinic slide show, the repair for my tear should have been a bit more extensive and done with a little more care.  Maybe it should have even been done in an operating room rather than at the foot of my delivery bed.  http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/vaginal-tears/PR00143&slide=4

Tears often follow tearing.  For me, the physical pain of the initial tear as well as the physical and emotional consequences that follow such a trauma created lots of tears.  It is my hope that midwives and doctors understand the long-term ramifications of diagnosing and repairing a tear correctly.  My tear was not repaired correctly, nor was I given the postpartum support necessary for the tear I sustained.  Luckily, I managed, on my own, to get to a rectal surgeon, and ultimately, to Interstim, to treat the incontinence issues that began with my tear.

Thanks for reading,

Lauren

Some people just don’t get it…

{ March 1, 2012 @ 4:34 am } · { The PTSD, The Purpose, The Trauma(s) }
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I have found there will always be some people who just don’t get it. They don’t get the birth trauma, they don’t get my mental illness (PTSD, anxiety), and they don’t get the severity of the physical symptoms I have (had).  They just don’t get it.  I have come to the conclusion that these people fall into one of two categories.

1.  They don’t get it because they don’t want or care to.

2.  They don’t get it because even though they want to, and try to, they just cannot understand it.

It is extremely difficult when people you love don’t get it. I would like to think that the people I love, and that love me, but “don’t get it” fall into the second category.  Even though it is often heartbreaking, I truly can understand why people “don’t get it.”  It is hard to understand something that you haven’t gone through yourself.  It is hard to understand something that is not constantly scrutinized by the media.  It is hard to understand something that is not a part of common conversation.

 

Thanks for reading,

Lauren

Due Date

{ February 29, 2012 @ 7:48 pm } · { The Purpose }
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Today, February 29th, we are afforded an extra day that only comes around once every four years!  Just so happens that the last time February 29th occurred, it was my due date.

As a first time pregnant woman, the due date was extremely important to me.  Even though it is a “guess” having a date to hang onto during those last few weeks of pregnancy was crucial to getting through the swollen ankles, sleepless nights, and balloon like feeling my body was experiencing.

However, as most of you know from reading my story, my daughter was not born on her due date, not a week after, not even 8,9,10, or 11 days after.

At 10 days post-dates, I was induced.  At 12 days post-dates, I had her. 

So, my advice to all pregnant ladies…..don’t count on the due date being the day you birth your little one. 🙂

And, my advice to all who know pregnant ladies who are going past their due date….don’t keep asking her when she is going to have the baby…by asking this you are NOT adding pressure to her cervix, but you are adding stress to her overloaded mind.

Thanks for reading,

Lauren

Come ON Dora!

{ February 21, 2012 @ 2:54 pm } · { My Birth Position, The Purpose }
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Yesterday, I sat down and watched an episode of “Dora the Explorer” with my daughter in which Dora was going to become “a big sister!”  (No significance for my own personal life right now, just happened to be the next episode in the netflix queue.)

Anyways, the story starts out by Dora’s papa rushing to tell Dora to “come home right away, because Mama is going to have the baby.”  Home?  Come ON Dora, home?  How come Dora isn’t going to visit Mama at the hospital?  How come Mama has to have a homebirth?

Dora, of course, needs to follow her map to find her home.  She needs to go through the Spooky forest and the Nut farm.  (At least spooky and nutty somewhat describe my views of this episode)

When Dora arrives home, she finds ALL of her extended family there.  She then goes into her parents bedroom to find her perfectly poised mother sitting up in bed.  Come ON Dora, perfectly poised?  How come Mama doesn’t look like she has just gone through the wringer?

When Dora looks at the bassinet, she finds, not one baby, but twins!  Come ON Dora, twins?  A homebirth AND a perfectly poised mother seconds after a twin birth?

Come ON Dora.  Let’s get real here.  In no way am I saying that I want a children’s show to be graphically displaying the perils of childbirth, however, it would be nice if this show could somewhat emulate what becoming a big sister will be like for my daughter.  (when the time comes)

Thanks for reading,

Lauren

“Even More Amazing”

{ February 1, 2012 @ 2:29 pm } · { My Birth Position, The Purpose }
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Becoming passionate about something allows one’s focus to be all-encompassing.  As I was looking at my yahoo page this morning, a story about a “14 pound baby born” scrolled across my news feed.  My first thought was, “ouch.”  My second thought was “the only reason this is news is if this baby was born vaginally.”  So, I decided to watch the video segment promoting the headline “14 pound baby born”

This segment was part of Good Morning America’s morning show and had the male reporter all excited about the “turkey” sized child that had been birthed “naturally.”  Watching the video, one can only cringe at the reporter’s claim of “even more amazingly, Kendall (the mother) did it all naturally, no c-section, no epidural.”  This statement, by the reporter, allows for the thought that a 14 pound baby birthed by c-section or with the help of pain medication would be anything less than amazing.  To me, that’s just not right.  A 14 pound baby in its own right is amazingly big, enough said, no matter how he makes his entrance. 

The saving grace of this video segment is actually the mother.  She talks about women being able to research the way they want to give birth, and she DOES NOT dispel the notion that c-section is right for some.  She believes that all should have the choice.  Go MOM!

So, Kudos to Kendall for pushing out that beautiful baby boy, however, kudos to all mothers who are educated about their choices for childbirth and pre and post natal care!

To see the video segment in its entirety, view here : http://gma.yahoo.com/video/parenting-26594265/woman-delivers-nearly-14-pound-baby-28105614.html

Thanks for Reading,

Lauren

The Business of Being Born

{ January 30, 2012 @ 10:51 pm } · { My Birth Position, The PTSD, The Purpose, The Trauma(s) }
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So, for a long while, people have been urging me to, and asking me if, I have watched the movie “The Business of Being Born.”  You know, the one with Ricki Lake, where she goes on her crusade for a “natural” birth.  Truth be told, this movie has been sitting in my Netflix queue for a LONG time.  I think I have always wanted to see it, however, the triggers that it may have held prevented me from pressing play, until now.

Last night, I watched it.  It was terrifyingly one-sided.  Much as I expected it to be.

As an aside, it is important to note, that my personal crusade is not for c-sections, it’s not for non-instrumental birth, it IS for women’s choice, consent, education, and the ability to have all options recognized and respected in the birth realm. 

“The Business of Being Born” paints a picture of women who choose the route of c-sections as being weak.  At one point a statistic was recited about c-sections in new york and the woman interviewed’s response summarily said, “that’s so high, I thought New York women were stronger than that.”  Ahem, stronger than what?  Making an educated decision for yourself IS strong.  Deciding what you want to do with your body IS strong.  This IS feminism people, women’s choice!  I am not degrading or demoralizing natural birth.  Because that is YOUR choice.  Get it, it’s choice that should be the issue.

Another huge scare tactic they put in the movie is the fact that women will not be able to achieve the natural oxytocin high that comes with pushing a baby out of your vagina without drugs.  This in turn will cause the ability to bond with the child to be difficult if not, non-existent. (Their words, not mine.)

Well, I have to tell you.  Had I given birth to my baby without drugs or intervention in an effort to achieve this natural high they are raving about, I would most likely be dead.  And, probably the baby too.  How natural is that?

We need to stop being so one-sided on issues giving women the choice.  I wish this movie presented the facts about natural birth and the natural act of cesarean birth in a more positive choice promoting manner.  Throughout the movie, the producers are touting the fear based agenda that the medical community and the community of women buy into about not wanting a natural birth.  However, this movie could serve to instill a fear base in viewers regarding cesarean section.  Is that any better?  Creating a flip-side fear community?  I would love to see a movie that presents all aspects of birth impartially, because there are many women who need to know the facts, not just someone’s agenda. 

Thanks for Reading,

Lauren

I’m OK too

{ January 27, 2012 @ 11:50 pm } · { Interstim, The PTSD, The Purpose, The Trauma(s) }
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Recently, I commented on a blog that also explores the very real diagnosis of PTSD after childbirth as well as the issue of birth trauma.  The post that I commented on, “Thank God the Baby is ok!” can be read in its entirety here. http://www.tobreatheagainbook.com/2011/12/thank-god-baby-is-ok.html#comment-form

I tend to agree with this posting.  So many times while relating my story to others, (family, friends, and medical professionals), I hear the phrase “At least the Baby’s OK.”  Whether it is in those exact words or some other phrasing with the same meaning, I inwardly cringe.  I know this is a well-meaning statement.  I know the people saying it to me are trying to show they care.  I know that there is a thrust in our society to look for the best of the situation.  However, I have to agree with Kerissa from “To Breathe Again” (see link above) when she states “Baby’s matter. A lot. But mom’s matter, too.”

Knowing my baby was ok and is ok does matter.  In fact, as a mom ,it was really important to me that she was ok.  In fact, I hoped that she was more than ok.  I hoped that she was healthy, beautiful, smart, joyous, etc.  All those hopes that mom’s have for their kids.

To best explain why the statement “At least the Baby’s OK” rubs me the wrong way, it is important for you to understand my perspective of that day.  The day of my daughter’s birth. The day of my trauma. It was the most wonderful day and the most horrifying day simultaneously.  I separate those two events, even though they happened at the same time.  If I am relaying to you my story, I am telling you my trial, my horror, my hell.  I am not connecting that trauma to the wonderful person that entered this world and blesses our lives daily.

I appreciate all of the support for my journey.  Yes, my daughter is ok, she’s more than ok.  And guess what?  Through hard work, therapy, some totally awesome medical interventions,  and lots of tears, I’m ok too.

Thanks for reading,

Lauren

Too Personal

{ January 26, 2012 @ 10:10 pm } · { The Incontinence Issue, The PTSD, The Purpose, The Trauma(s) }
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I’ve been told by some people that they won’t read my blog because it is “too personal.”  Yes, vaginas, sexuality, rectal scarring, anal winks, pooping, mental illness, yes, it’s personal.  But sometimes, it is easy to confuse “too personal” with shameful, dirty, and stigmatized.

I write my blog to free myself of the stigma that surrounds my circumstances.  It’s not easy to be suffering with issues that no wants to talk about, read about, hear about, listen to, etc.  To date, there are many medical issues that have reached the acclaim in our society that make them easy to talk about, empathize with, and join together for a common cause.  However, I am sure that there were people that needed to champion those causes and efforts prior to them becoming easy to talk about over a cup of tea.

I believe that I am one of a growing number of women who are no longer going to be silent.  Medical interventions, successful therapies, and political awareness only come about when there is a movement to have our voices heard.  Birth Trauma and the physical and mental devastation it can leave in its wake is an issue that I am not ready to concede is “too personal.” 

Thanks for reading,

Lauren

The Crap He Puts Up With

{ January 26, 2012 @ 2:53 pm } · { The Incontinence Issue, The PTSD, The Trauma(s) }
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This post is dedicated to my husband….and the crap he puts up with.  Figuratively….and Literally. 

While engaged in full-blown PTSD, my husband was always there, fully supportive of the shell of my former self that I had become.  Immediately after the birth of our child, but prior to any real diagnosis, my husband recognized that I needed help, support, and unconditional love.  And, he gave me all these things without question.  My husband did ALL of the housework, ALL of our life maintenance (bills, shopping, answering phone calls, making appointments, filling our cars with gas, driving, etc), and most of the childcare.  Yes, I fed our child, however, my husband changed her, brought her to me when she needed to be fed, helped me play with her, attended to her in the night when she was crying, etc.

A typical day for me during full-blown PTSD looked like this:  My husband waking two hours before me to work on the house, grocery shop, or do bills.  My husband waking me up gently (alarms were a trigger for me), my husband handing me the baby to be fed, my husband burping and changing the baby, my husband urging me to shower, my husband ironing and washing my clothes, my husband making my breakfast, my husband getting the baby ready for daycare, my husband handing me my ready-made lunch and placing my work stuff into the car (which he always made sure had gas), my husband driving my daughter to daycare (even though it was right across the street from where I worked-leaving her was a trigger) before he brought himself to work, me going to work in a haze, me leaving work, me picking up my daughter, coming home and feeding my daughter, me sitting in a comfortable chair with her until my husband came home from work, my husband making dinner, playing together as a family, my husband helping me with bedtime routine, me sitting in my chair, my husband cleaning up the house, both going to bed, my husband helping me through nightmares, twitches, and teeth grinding while simultaneously attending to the baby in the other room. REPEAT DAILY.

That’s a lot of figurative crap to put up with.  Not to mention the literal.  Fecal Incontinence is not pretty, and yes, there is a lot of literal crap.  Was I doing the laundry?  Was I emptying the trash filled with used incontinence pads?  Was I purchasing the pads, enemas, and fiber supplements? No, it was my husband.

Now, I would never claim my husband is a saint, but, I know he’s a better person than most to be able to navigate the trials of PTSD and fecal incontinence with grace and courage.   It is my hope that everyone could have someone just as wonderful to help them through their own trauma, however; the reality is some marriages cannot sustain the angst that sickness and trauma thrust upon the parties involved. Our marriage has survived and strengthened through this major medical trauma in my life, and I am truly grateful that my husband was able to remain by my side holding not only my hand, but my heart throughout the duration.

Thanks for Reading,

Lauren

 

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