Often, I look back at the time when I was truly engaged fully with PTSD. This time was not a happy time for me. This time was not a productive time for me. This time was not a time to thrive. I was merely surviving.
Today, I picked up my daughter’s preschool pictures. This caused me to reflect upon the amount of professional pictures I have had done of her since her birth. hmmmmm, three times, maybe? Let me just say, had I not been traumatized, had I not been merely “surviving” I would have had the birth, 3 month, 6 month, 1 year, 2 year, 3 year pictures. I would have had the Christmas shots, the birthday shots, the family shots. I would have picked out the outfits, set up the appointments, agonized over which delightful picture to choose, etc.
I missed out. To tell you the truth, I don’t know how I pulled together 3 times at a professional studio. There are so many things that I missed the boat on during my time with PTSD, because I was merely surviving. Does this make me sad? Absolutely! Does this make me mad? You bet! Do I feel guilty? NO. (This answer is achieved through hours and hours of therapy)
As the 4 year anniversary of my trauma approaches, I know that I am now in a place where I can thrive, not merely survive. Hey, maybe I will even get in a picture with her? We need a good family photo 🙂
Thanks for Reading,
Lauren
peaceoutofpieces 
Meg Said:
on February 23, 2012 at 11:57 am
Hey Lauren, this strikes a chord with me too. we also don’t have a formal family photo hanging anywhere in the house, it has only felt this last 6 months (after starting CBT and drugs and 3.5yrs since birth) that I’ve even felt we’ve been a family. Last year was spent entirely patching back together our disintegrating marriage, now the work is on disintegrated me. But…just this Jan we went on holiday and we took the most beautiful pic with my waterproof camera in the surf of the 3 of us. it’s the best family portrait I could have asked for because it was made by us in a blessedly happy moment! Now you have reminded me to print and frame it. thanks! I wish you every strength in your healing and hope you get a great and happy pic soon. x
peace4lauren Said:
on February 23, 2012 at 7:25 pm
Thanks for commenting Meg. I’m glad that you were inspired to print and frame a “happy” family moment. My hope for you is to have many more of those moments to capture, frame, and cherish. Good luck on your healing journey. -Lauren