So many times I have heard the phrase used, “You don’t know what you got till it’s gone.”
This is especially true with trauma. In my case, physically and emotionally.
Hindsight is 20/20.
If I could kiss my sphincter pre-trauma, I would. Yes, I am suggesting that if you have the ability to go to the bathroom, if you don’t even have to think about it, then, kiss your ass. Because, guess what, it does a GREAT job. You don’t even have to tell it to do a good job. You don’t even have to go to physical therapy, eat a modified diet, wear protective undergarments, consider surgery-because, it’s working for you. And guess what-you don’t know what you got till it’s gone- so APPRECIATE it!
If I could kiss my brain pre-trauma, I would. Yes, I am suggesting that if you don’t have any of your neural networks tied up in adrenaline laced triggers, if you don’t have confusion, agitation, blocked endorphin flow, then kiss your brain. Because, guess what, it does a GREAT job. You don’t even have to tell it to do a good job. You don’t even have to go to endless hours of therapy-because, it’s working for you. And guess what-you don’t know what you got till it’s gone- so APPRECIATE it!
So, that’s it. I didn’t know what I had, until it wasn’t there anymore. Even though the fall-out wasn’t fun, if you’re able to get something back-it’s a truly awesome feeling. Although it will never be the same, I can modify the phrase by saying- “You don’t know what you got till it’s gone…but if you can get it back, the appreciation and joy you will feel is overwhelming.”
So, excuse me, I need to kiss my ass now.
Thanks for reading,
Lauren
peaceoutofpieces 
Mrs. W Said:
on March 21, 2012 at 7:52 pm
May you never need to know this kind of gratitude for what you have again – for it is a true tragedy to be in such a position.
peace4lauren Said:
on March 22, 2012 at 2:03 pm
Thank you, Mrs. W. We never really seem to understand what we have, until it’s not there! It is a tragedy that this trauma occurred. I am truly grateful to regain this type of function. -Lauren
Andrea Said:
on November 12, 2012 at 1:57 am
This is so true! I found your blog via Heal My PTSD, and I’m glad I did. I also have ppPTSD from birth trauma. This post really spoke to me. I had a postpartum hemorrhage so severe that they took my uterus and ovaries. I would be so happy to have my hormones back! You definitely don’t know what you had until it’s gone. Thank you so much for writing! I have found that I don’t have PTSD symptoms for some time, and then all the sudden I am triggered and have to get “unstuck” again.
peace4lauren Said:
on November 12, 2012 at 3:14 pm
Andrea-Thanks for sharing your story! I am so sorry for your loss, it is a very severe one. The more that we talk about PTSD and link it to postpartum mental illness, the more recognized this problem will become. -Lauren