Spring Cleaning

I’d like to point out-I like to keep sentimental items.  Just so we all know.  I keep things that are nostalgic to me, and believe me, I can find nostalgia in a used napkin if the story behind it is good enough.  Luckily, I have a husband that helps me to clean out, tidy up, and keep the important things so our house does not become one that is profiled on the television show “Hoarders.”

My point-keeping nostalgic items is all well and good unless you have PTSD.  Then, these items often become painful triggers and reminders of trauma.  Until now, items from my daughter’s early years have been piled and shut away without regard to organization in various bins and dressers in our basement storage.  Until now, those items were triggering, awful, reminders of all the stuff I couldn’t do, didn’t do, because of the PTSD.  Until now, the outfit that I took her home from the hospital in was a direct adrenaline rush and full-out panic attack.

Until now.  Today-I organized bins with toys and clothes that have been haphazardly piled willy nilly in our basement.  And guess what-no triggers, no tears, no anxiety.  Only nostalgia.  Nostalgia about the good times, the precious times.  I found the outfit we brought my daughter home in.  Instead of remembering the pain, fear, panic-I recalled the joy of a true miracle.

It is amazing to me that I could do this today.  Ask me about doing this 2 years ago, I would have claimed it to be an impossible task.  Just goes to show what therapy can do for you.

Thanks for reading,

Lauren

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2 Comments »

  1. Sarah G Said:

    I stumbled upon your blog and it made me feel so good to know there are more women out there like me. I’m not alone. Our daughter is 4 months old and I’m still living with the anxiety moments of PTSD. It’s getting better and I’m fighting through the muck. Thanks for writing and I will continue to read. I know it’s hard, it’s so hard but know there are so many of us out there. And we’re rooting for each other.

    • peace4lauren Said:

      Hi Sarah-There ARE many of us out there. Unfortunately, because this is often viewed as a private issue, women who are suffering often feel alone and stigmatized. My hope is that blogs like this can help to alleviate both the stigma and the solitude of postpartum issues. Best of luck fighting through the haze that is postpartum PTSD. I’m rooting for you! -Lauren


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