peaceoutofpieces

Last week, while reclining in a nice comfortable chair, I sneezed.  Not only did I sneeze, I simultaneously sneezed, passed gas, and forcefully pushed parts of my rectum out through my sphincter.  Was I surprised? yes. Embarrassed? yes.  Realizing that this is just another thing I get to deal with as a result of my previous birth trauma? yes.  Just another simple joy that has come along with this pregnancy.  Although initially surprised at the unwanted protrusion that now permanently makes itself known, I was not at all caught unaware that this would most likely happen.

The birth trauma that I sustained during the birth of my first child is permanent.  My sphincter was and IS damaged.  As you well know, if you have been following my blog, the physical therapy, diet modifications, constant supervision by medical professionals including my OBGYN, physical therapist, and rectal surgeon, helped me “cope” with this reality during the initial few years of my recovery.  A little over three years postpartum, Medtronic Interstim helped to CORRECT this reality, allowing me function, clenching ability, and the shot at a “normal” sphincter.  So it really is no big surprise that now that the Interstim is off, as per pregnancy safety regulations, that my symptoms of fecal incontinence, saggy rectal tissue, and pain have returned full force.

Adding to the difficulty of turning the Interstim off, my body has also been dealing with symphysis pubic dysfunction.  With both of these factors affecting my body on a constant, unrelenting basis, my ability to have any sort of normal function in regards to fecal regulation has ceased.  I am right back where I was prior to having the Interstim placed.  Incontinent and in pain.  However, by no means am I playing the pity card here.  This was my choice to carry another child, my choice to get pregnant, my choice to turn my Interstim off.  Unfortunately, it is also my reality for the next three months as I wait for my baby to be born.

Thanks for reading,

Lauren