Archive for The Purpose

Bike Riding

{ March 30, 2012 @ 4:49 pm } · { Exercising with Interstim, The Purpose, The Trauma(s) }
{ Tags: , , , , } · { Comments (1) }

The first time I was seen by a medical professional post birth trauma was 6 weeks later.  As I sat across from my OBGYN, (the same one who delivered me), she first calmly told me I was too bruised to examine.  She then proceeded to tell me about my “normal” delivery and my “normal” recovery and how it would just take time to get back to “normal.”  No mention of physical therapy, fecal incontinence surgery, PTSD treatment, just a condescending statement that “normalcy” would be achieved with time.  She then, offhandedly, remarked-“It’s not like you need to ever ride a bike again.”

WHAT?  Part of my “normal” recovery from my “normal” delivery would impact my ability to ride a bike?  I often think about this statement.  Was my OBGYN placing a thought in my head, a thought that I could reinforce with a nonchalance of “well, it’s not like I need to.”

Well, since then I have switched OBGYN’s, but the switch for the bike statement in my brain was not as easily achieved.  Until now.  I have found a bike seat that I am ready to try.  This bike seat eliminates pressure on the perineum area and claims to be both comfortable and functional for those with pelvic floor issues.

I’ll let you know how it goes!

Thanks for reading,

Lauren

Women versus Women?

{ March 27, 2012 @ 2:54 pm } · { My Birth Position, The Purpose }
{ Tags: , , , , } · { Leave a Comment }

Lately, I have seen a lot written about “natural birthers” versus “hospital birthers.”  Women versus Women in a battle for who has a better birth plan, who has a better idea about how we should birth, who has a “safer” way to birth, who has an ideal way to birth.

Ladies, and it is mostly ladies-why are we fighting each other?  We are all looking for the same thing- the birth that is right for us.  As I have stated previously in my post on birth position,  my birth position is that women should have the choice, prenatally, and during birth, to have their babies the way that they want to have their babies while preserving the mother’s health and the child’s health through a balance of the mother’s informed wishes and competent medical professional opinion.

This US versus THEM phenomenon does not need to occur.  In fact, it is detrimental to women’s progress when we keep chipping away at each others’ choices and freedoms.  There is no need to impose your belief system on others as the only true way.  I hope that when people read my blog they realize that this is my opinion, my quest to educate women, their families, and the community about the very real physical and emotional ramifications of birth trauma.

As I have written before, I recognize that birth trauma can arise from hospital births, home births, non-medicated births, medicated births,medically assisted births, and anything else that causes the mother to feel helpless and full of fear. (remember, it’s in the eye of the beholder.)  It is not up to me to tell another which birth would be less traumatizing, it’s only up to me to share MY story and help other mothers with birth trauma explore the options right for them.

It is when we reach a quagmire between two opposing groups that real progress stops.  Yes, natural birthers make valid points.  Yes, hospital birthers make valid points.  And, YES, people can educate themselves and make their own decision regarding their birth choices.  Let’s stop focusing on the birth and shed light on the issues that can result from any birth.  Issues like birth trauma, physical and emotional.

Thanks for reading,

Lauren

My Spidey Senses

{ March 20, 2012 @ 2:21 pm } · { The PTSD, The Purpose, The Trauma(s) }
{ Tags: , , } · { Leave a Comment }

Remember the character Spiderman? He started off as a normal, average, guy.  But when Peter Parker gets bitten by a spider and achieves “spidey senses”- he transforms into something much more. 

In a way, I feel that a my trauma has given me a “spidey sense.”  That ability, that sense, to see that my birth situation was not entirely right, was not entirely safe, was suspicious.

Had the trauma not occurred, my research, and feelings of advocacy on the topic of birth trauma would probably have been non-existent.  Not because I would have felt that birth trauma is not important.  But because, I would not have had the “spidey sense” to be in tune to the situation.

Often, we become passionate about something personal to us.  It may be something that happened to us, or someone in our family.  It may be something happening in our city, country, or world, that personally affects us.  But until we are “bitten” we are unable to fully engage in the advocacy of change.  The changing of things that are not quite right, not quite safe, things that are ‘suspicious.”

Peter Parker used his “spidey sense” to help others.  That is the way I intend to use mine. 🙂

Thanks for reading,

Lauren

Let’s Dance, Ellen!

{ March 19, 2012 @ 1:59 pm } · { The Purpose, The Trauma(s) }
{ Tags: , } · { Leave a Comment }

So, I want to be on the Ellen show.  I have submitted my story a couple of times, to no avail 🙂  I know…she’s a busy woman.  I feel like her show could be the perfect platform to thrust birth trauma into the forefront by exposing millions of her viewers to this condition.  The Ellen show has proven to be the perfect venue to talk about topics that society isn’t always aware of or comfortable with.

Because birth trauma is not talked about, people who suffer from birth trauma experience shame, guilt, and sadness.  People who love those afflicted with birth trauma often feel helpless, ignorant, and angry.  We can change ALL of this through exposure.

There ARE support systems, life changing surgeries, wonderful therapies, and experienced doctors out there.  There IS NOT an awareness in our society to bring these resources to the front line of people’s minds.

Ellen, help me to erase the stigma of birth trauma. Ellen, help me to connect people to resources.  Ellen, help me to let people know they are not alone.  Ellen, help me help those suffering with birth trauma know that there IS hope.  Let’s Dance, Ellen!

Thanks for reading,

Lauren

 

 

A Runcible Spoon

{ March 16, 2012 @ 6:16 pm } · { The Purpose, The Trauma(s), The Treatments }
{ Tags: , , , } · { Leave a Comment }

“They dined on mince, and slices of quince, Which they ate with a runcible spoon,”

 The Owl & The Pussy-Cat by Edward Lear

“What the heck is a runcible spoon?”  This was the question I was asked by my 4 year old daughter.  Overlooking the word “heck” as her word of choice, I asked myself, “what the HECK is a runcible spoon?”

Luckily, a friend with a smart phone quickly cleared up the confusion….A runcible spoon is….nothing, it is made up, it is vernacular associated with the writings of Edward Lear, being first introduced in his famous story,  The Owl & The Pussy-Cat.

This got me to thinking…how many times throughout my medical journey with birth trauma do I listen to “runcible” spoon jargon? I’m not suggesting that the medical community is speaking a made up language, which it turns out a runcible spoon is, I am more talking about the times I say to myself…”What the HECK is a (enter runcible spoon medical vernacular here)?”

While wading through a trauma that is rarely talked about in mainstream conversation, I have had many “runcible spoon” moments.

Some of my “runcible spoon” moments:

Pudendal Nerve, EMDR, defocography, Interstim, anal wink, anorectal manometry, fistula, prolapse

To all the above terms, and many more, I asked “What the HECK is that???”  As an advocate, I urge you to clarify those “runcible spoon” moments in an effort to maximize your care and further your understanding.

Thanks for reading,

Lauren

Today is the Day.

{ March 12, 2012 @ 6:07 pm } · { The Purpose, The Trauma(s) }
{ Tags: , , , } · { Comments (2) }

March 12.

It’s here.

March 12, 2008-I am a mom.  My husband, daughter, and I make a family.

March 12, 2012-I am a mom.  My husband, daughter, and I make a family.

4 years does not change who I am to my daughter or what kind of familial unit I am a part of.

March 12, 2008-I am broken, traumatized, helpless.

March 12, 2012-I am pieced back together, stronger, advocating.

4 years makes all the difference, physically and emotionally.

Happy Birthday Dear Daughter.  Peace out of Pieces to me.  Blessings and Thanks to all who have helped me be who I am today, 4 years later.

Thanks for Reading,

Lauren

A Mother’s Sacrifice

{ March 8, 2012 @ 3:51 pm } · { The Purpose, The Trauma(s) }
{ Tags: , , , , } · { Comments (2) }

I love my daughter.

I loved her before she was born, before I even knew her.

I want to make it very clear that I would do anything for her.

A mother’s sacrifice is one that does not always come willingly and with a lot of thought.  A mother’s sacrifice can be something that occurs instinctively and without hesitation.

During the course of birthing my daughter, I kept praying for a healthy baby.  When things turned traumatic, she was all I could think of.  At the time, it honestly didn’t matter to me what was happening to me, as long as she was safe.  All I wanted was her to be born healthy and remain healthy.

A mother’s sacrifice.  In my case, I sacrificed my body and mind that day.  I sacrificed my sphincter and my ability to properly defecate.  I sacrificed my brain and my ability to remain untriggered at reminders of the trauma.  I sacrificed my sense of well-being, both physically and mentally.

And I would do it again.

Recently, I read this story.  http://news.blogs.cnn.com/2012/03/06/indiana-mom-loses-legs-saving-kids-from-tornado/  This story highlights a mother’s sacrifice.  A mother who protected her children from the elements of a tornado and in the process lost her legs.   I don’t know how people feel about my comparison of this women’s life to mine, however, I truly feel a deep connection to her ability to sacrifice herself at a moment’s notice when faced with the trauma.  My trauma was not a tornado, but the feelings connected with both my trauma and the elements of a tornado are identical.  Extreme fear and helplessness caused both this mother and myself to react in a way that sacrificed our own well-being for that of our children.

The news has done a wonderful job portraying this mother’s courage and sacrifice.  Wouldn’t it be nice if, sometime in the future, the media would cover and support all types of trauma and the sacrifices that mother’s make?  Making birth trauma very real to others starts with an awareness.

Thanks for reading,

Lauren

Beautiful Blogger

{ March 5, 2012 @ 2:48 am } · { The Purpose }
{ Tags: } · { Leave a Comment }

http://njgirl197329.files.wordpress.com/2012/03/beautiful_blogger-15b15d.jpg?w=200

Thank you njgirl197329 for the Beautiful Blogger Award. I would like to give it right back to you as well 🙂 It is really amazing being a part of a truly supportive blogging environment that recognizes passion, drive, and the need to have our voices heard.  You do a tremendous job raising awareness on your blog for TBI while being true to yourself and your feelings.  I commend you and recommend your blog to anyone and everyone dealing with life and it’s unpredictability.

Thank you, and KUDOS to you, njgirl197329, for you are a beautiful blogger too!

Thanks for reading,

Lauren

Tears and Tears

{ March 1, 2012 @ 3:53 pm } · { Interstim, The Incontinence Issue, The Purpose, The Treatments }
{ Tags: , , , , , , , , , } · { Comments (2) }

Tears and Tears.  Words that sound the same, but mean very different things.  Tears (torn) and Tears (crying).  For me, there is a huge correlation between these two homophones.

When you have a baby vaginally, there is a risk that you will tear.  Recently, I came across a website that shows diagrams of vaginal tears in childbirth.  This slide show is an essential viewing point for anyone who wishes to understand visually the physical trauma of a tear.  Feel free to view here: http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/vaginal-tears/PR00143

Although vaginal tears are common during vaginal birth, the severity of the tear and the “how to” of the repair differ.  In her blog, Dr. Amy-The Skeptical OB, Dr. Amy Tuteur talks about the ability to midwives to repair tears during vaginal birth. You can read her take on tearing here http://skepticalob.blogspot.com/2012/02/vaginal-tears.html.

As a recipient of a third degree tear in a hospital setting, I am curious about the ability of my doctor to repair my tear during my forceps assisted vaginal birth.  According to the mayo clinic slide show, the repair for my tear should have been a bit more extensive and done with a little more care.  Maybe it should have even been done in an operating room rather than at the foot of my delivery bed.  http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/vaginal-tears/PR00143&slide=4

Tears often follow tearing.  For me, the physical pain of the initial tear as well as the physical and emotional consequences that follow such a trauma created lots of tears.  It is my hope that midwives and doctors understand the long-term ramifications of diagnosing and repairing a tear correctly.  My tear was not repaired correctly, nor was I given the postpartum support necessary for the tear I sustained.  Luckily, I managed, on my own, to get to a rectal surgeon, and ultimately, to Interstim, to treat the incontinence issues that began with my tear.

Thanks for reading,

Lauren

Some people just don’t get it…

{ March 1, 2012 @ 4:34 am } · { The PTSD, The Purpose, The Trauma(s) }
{ Tags: , , , , } · { Comments (1) }

I have found there will always be some people who just don’t get it. They don’t get the birth trauma, they don’t get my mental illness (PTSD, anxiety), and they don’t get the severity of the physical symptoms I have (had).  They just don’t get it.  I have come to the conclusion that these people fall into one of two categories.

1.  They don’t get it because they don’t want or care to.

2.  They don’t get it because even though they want to, and try to, they just cannot understand it.

It is extremely difficult when people you love don’t get it. I would like to think that the people I love, and that love me, but “don’t get it” fall into the second category.  Even though it is often heartbreaking, I truly can understand why people “don’t get it.”  It is hard to understand something that you haven’t gone through yourself.  It is hard to understand something that is not constantly scrutinized by the media.  It is hard to understand something that is not a part of common conversation.

 

Thanks for reading,

Lauren

Next entries » · « Previous entries